define me

recently i've been doing a lot of growing up.

it's a little strange.

i'm not sure i really understand it.

no, scratch that, i don't understand it at all.

it's confusing and terrifying and exciting and beautiful and freeing and inspiring and really hard and humbling and wonderful, this thing called growing up.

i still can't decide how i feel about it.

i still can't quite believe that i just turned seventeen in february.

but anyway, i've been doing a lot of thinking about who i am as a person. if i could define myself, what would i say? what would i write about, what would i not write about? how would i put me into words?

and so i decided to take the challenge.

this is me.

real, honest, human me.

i like it when it rains. rainy days mean blankets and steaming tea and books and journals and movies.
i like it when it's sunny. sunny days mean shorts and swimming and crazy hair and car rides and warmth.
i like it when it's both sunny and raining. because it's like a scene from a perfect movie.
i'm not very good at making up my mind. and i change my mind often.
i'm a hopeless romantic. seriously hopeless.
i want to travel the world. i just want to go everywhere, to document the world through photography, writing, and just creating.
mint moose tracks ice cream is my favorite edible thing on the entire planet.
i double-knot my shoelaces.
bad grammar is one of my pet peeves.
someday i'm going to publish a fiction book.
my favorite color is blue.
angel food cake is my favorite dessert.
my hair is naturally curly/crazy.
i like to sing at the top of my lungs and dance when there's no one around.
i've always considered myself an extrovert, but lately i've realized i can be introverted too.
sometimes i'm helplessly awkward.
i'm silly, dorky, and i laugh way too much.
i often find it difficult to describe the complexity of my feelings.
i want to ride in a hot air balloon.
horses are my favorite animals.
music is an escape.
so is running.
I love playing the piano, guitar, and ukulele.
when the confusion of life overwhelms me, I have an amazing God.
He fills me with His grace daily, and teaches me what it means to truly live.
i'm always hungry for adventure. i want to explore everywhere.
photography is more than just a hobby to me. it's the way i see life. i am so passionate about it -- the way a camera can snap a memory, capture a moment to last a lifetime. there's nothing else like it.
if you let me, i could talk to you for hours. or just sit in silence. there's something so comforting about a friend's silence, and peace in the knowledge that nothing really needs to be said.
one of my greatest fears is that i might not realize my full potential.
i never want to stop learning. ever.
i am not where i want to be. nor should i be. i never want to become complacent.
i have a weakness for old-fashioned language or terms of endearment.
i'll be your friend always.
bike rides are the best.
i overthink everything way too much.
sometimes i wish i could turn off my brain for a while.
i've been blessed with an amazing, loving, silly, wonderful family.
i would not be who i am today without my parents.
i strive always to stay humble, but fail many times.
i wish i could dance better. but it doesn't stop me from dancing anyway.
when i was little, all i wanted to do was find a way to get to neverland.
trying new foods and creating new experiences are two of my favorite things.
i'm broken and i am flawed, but i have a Savior who says that i am worth loving.
i love looking at the stars. sometimes i'll stand on my driveway and stare at the stars for a long time and realize how small i am and how big the world is and how great my God is.
deep, real friendships make me happy.
i love people in general.
i hope that one day i will look back at seventeen and realize how far i've come.
that will be a good day.

until now, this is who i am. still learning, still making mistakes, still reaching. i am just another teenage girl, but i am so much more. i am a creation so entirely grateful to and amazed by her Creator. and i am striving to abandon my heart fully to Him.

thanks for reading.

- k

hello, 2013

I can't believe how long it has been since I last updated this blog of mine. I have missed this so much. Procrastination is a habit I shall conquer this year, so expect lots more posts from me in the near future. :)

I also can't believe that I wrote the date "January 1, 2013" in my journal on Tuesday. Where did 2012 go? It seems like the years are passing faster and faster as I grow. It's a bit strange to think that everything I have right now will someday be gone. At the same time, though, I feel like letting go of the past is one of the biggest parts of growing up. I want to be the kind of woman who faces her future with confidence, unafraid.

Looking back at this past year, I can't believe how far I've come. I have grown so much, learned so much about myself, and discovered over and over the joy and peace that come with God's truth. It has been a year of first times and new experiences; learning to trust God and letting go; growing closer to Him and discovering who I am; strengthening old friendships and making lots of new ones; conquering fears and stepping out of my comfort zone; appreciating every moment and living life to the fullest. God has been with me every step of the way, and looking back I can see His hand was on everything. I am so blessed that He is able to use me for something bigger than I could ever imagine. Thankful for my wonderful family and fantastic friends who bring so much joy into my life. I can already tell that 2013 is going to be another important year for me, filled with so many new things. Graduation. Trips. Seeing the world for the first time. Growing up. It's all a bit overwhelming, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

There are many things I want to do better this year, but mostly I just want to love God with everything that I have, to praise Him with the talents He's given me, to love others far more than myself, and to serve wholeheartedly. I have so many dreams and goals, and I am just crazy excited for wherever my future will take me. Bring it on, 2013.

Here are just a few of my favorite shots from 2012.

Happy 2013, friends. I plan on posting again very soon with more updates about life and such lovely, exciting things as the future. Enjoy your Friday.

xoxo, k

i'm in love with words

the birds chirp

the breeze tickles

my cheek and blows

strands of hair loose

the water flows gently,

calming my mind

I close my eyes

breathe

the scent of

orange blossoms

and peace and

inspiration

the drought

is ending, slowly

but surely

I am coming back

to who I am

I ache to create

to write words

that flow together so very

perfectly that it hurts

like a sweet song or

a memory, once forgotten

I want to imagine again

I don't want to lose it

and I'm realizing it's okay

failure is good

I need to close my eyes,

hold my breath,

and

j u m p

♥ kailyn j.

p.s. I'm writing a research paper on J.K. Rowling and it's put me in a writing mood

p.p.s. I'm working on my book again, after a long break, and it feels good

p.p.p.s. What do you lovelies think of the new design?

self portraits :: tips & tricks

I love self portraits. Seriously. They have honestly helped me become a better photographer, and they are so much fun to do. There is an endless well of creativity and imagination at your fingertips, because you are in control of everything involved in the creation of this piece of art -- the framing, subject, pose, and edit. Haven't you ever wished that you could be both the photographer and the subject? I know I have. Then you would know exactly where to go, exactly what to do, and you would also be the one snapping the shutter. Sadly, cloning isn't possible. However, you can have the next-best thing -- your trusty right-hand friend, the tripod. This little guy allows you to control the composition of your photograph and be in it, too! (You can also use a stack of books, a chair, or anything else you can steady your camera on.)

You can practice all sorts of new techniques, like a slow or fast shutter speed, difficult poses, or a fascinating location. You don't need to worry about getting a model for a shoot, when you're perfectly ready to be the candidate! Jumping in a lake at 5 a.m.? Check. Hanging off a cliff? Check. Awkwardly dancing around and then discovering that your neighbor probably saw you? Double-check.

There are several different ways of getting the right focus (including placing an object where you will stand and focusing on that), but I have found a fairly reliable technique that works for me. I set the tripod where I want it, and then walk to the spot where I will be. Standing there, I focus the camera on the tripod, and then set the focus to manual so it won't change when I snap the photo. (Make sure to mark the place where you stand.) Then I put the camera on the tripod, start the timer, and make a mad dash to get in the photo. Sometimes the results can be pretty funny. Sometimes they can be just what you envisioned.

Don't be afraid to try out whatever crazy idea comes into your head. You'll discover a new way of looking at yourself and increase your self esteem. You'll create a beautiful piece of art that reflects your soul, your feelings, who you are. Plus you'll grow as a photographer and have a great time. So get out there, capture that light, and be free!

p.s. Thank you to Olivia for the inspiration!

p.p.s. I'm planning a blog hop/link up soon, along with some exciting changes, so be on the lookout!

things i don't want to forget

her voice, and the way she uses it to communicate even without words
when she's peaceful and still in my arms, unresistant, quiet
the way her long lashes tickle my arm when she blinks

the way she stares at me for a long time and then smiles slowly
her big, blue, wondrous eyes that look out at the world with such innocence and curiosity
her soft lips that pucker and form little bubbles

her soft, rosy cheeks that are just so kissable
the way she clutches at my hair and shirt when I pick her up
the rolls of baby fat on her legs and arms, and the dimples on her elbows

when I wonder what she'll look like, who she'll become, and what her personality will be
when I find myself starting to cry as I watch her, suddenly overwhelmed with love
when she smiles in her sleep and I wish I could see her dreams

I love you, Kya Jade.

double exposures

Hello, everyone. How I've missed you! Life has been crazy. Spring break has been a relief, but I just haven't gotten around to blogging lately. Here I am! I love you all.

So I've been messing around with double exposures recently. And I have to say. I love them. They are so much fun!

They're so easy to make! Originally they were made using film cameras, but with today's digital age, you can create them on your computer! You simply need a program such as Photoshop (CS6 beta is absolutely gorgeous, by the way) or Gimp. Start with an image, and then drag another image on top of that. Set the second image's layer style to "Soft Light" or "Screen" or "Multiply," depending on the photo. Mess around with it! You can find really cool combinations by experimenting. Also, you can change the opacity for a more subtle look.

I've also been fascinated with animal-morphing pictures. I created a few recently.

Tell me what you guys think! And do you like the new design? I'm really happy with how it turned out! :D

Happy Sunday. ♥

sweet sixteen

I can't believe I'm 16 years old. I mean, seriously, what is this. I feel ancient. I remember when I thought 16-year-olds were the coolest people ever. Now I know how normal it feels.

Two Mondays ago, my dad took me to breakfast at Panera, just me and him. Of course, being me, I spilled my souffle all over my lap, but still. At least the lady gave us a free frappuccino because it was my birthday.

After that, he took me to Guitar Center, where we looked at completely gorgeous instruments, tried out crazy-expensive Taylors and Martins, and smelled the sweet, woodsy scent of guitars. He's thinking of getting me a new guitar soon, and I'm so excited!

Last weekend, I had a birthday sleepover with a few close friends. It was marvelous. I missed those girls like crazy. We played Quelf, ate pizza and ice cream, and laughed until our cheeks hurt. It was lovely.

By the way, a little random fact about me -- I love abstract pictures. Love them.

Look at what the weather has been like recently. 75 and sunny. Yummy.

One of my good friends and I had a mini photo shoot in my backyard, and here are some of my favorites.

shirt & shorts :: forever xxi

What do you guys think? I've missed you!! Also, what do you think of the new header? I know it's simple, but I've been itching to change it for a long time. I have some ideas for a totally new design, and I can't wait to unveil it! (By the way, I made the header with my new Wacom Bamboo Capture! EEEEEPPPPPP)

PS: I've been reeeaaalllyyyyyy wanting a new lens. Seriously. I have a Nikon D5000 with the two kit lenses -- 18-55 and 55-200, I believe. But I REALLY want a 50mm. I've been doing some research, and I'm thinking maybe the Nikon 50mm f/1.8G. What do my lovely photographer friends have to say? I'd love some advice! :) xo