A New Rebel Gets a New Look

Haha.  Well, not much else to say about that.  =)

Tell me what you think!  I've been working on it for several days -- not just the main pictures, but lots of the coding and stuff, too.  It's not perfect (notice the many flaws), but it's better than it was, and I rather like it.

Please take time to visit my new blog, Still Memories of 2010, (in the process of being redesigned!!) in which I, inspired by Hannah, am attempting to take two thousand ten pictures in this year.  Hah.  Wish me luck! =P

I've been noticing recently that I feel weak.

Not exactly a feverish, "I'm-going-to-faint" weak... more of a "I-can't-believe-how-slowly-I'm-doing-this-exercise" kind of weak.  My tumbling coach at gymnastics is tough!

We do handstands, handstand snap-downs, jump-ups, back bends, cartwheels, tuck jumps, straight jumps, frog jumps (amidst other kinds of jumps), back handsprings (not by myself), push-ups, sit-ups, crab walks ("Keep your stomach up!" ... You wouldn't believe how hard that is), mountain-climbers... you name it!  Phew.  I've explained to my parents that I wish we could work on just the actual gymnast techniques instead of all that "boring stuff."

Since I quit the swim team during winter, I've noticed how much harder it is to do exercises.  I'm not nonathletic in the least, but I definitely don't feel like I'm at my peak.

Ever feel like that in other areas of your life?  I know I do.

I go to church nearly every Sunday, go to my youth group as often as I'm able, and know tons about the Bible... in fact, more than most of my friends.  (Not to brag)  I realize that I soon become content when people look up to me and think what a good person I am, even though I go home and do little to improve my spiritual stature.

This seems strikingly similar to what I'm experiencing in gymnastics.

If I don't fight, I won't win.  If I don't train, I won't succeed.

What if I just worked on the tumbling, and didn't do other exercises?  I wouldn't be as strong, and I wouldn't be able to do gymnastics as well as I would with strength conditioning.

Same thing with my character.  If I'm too lazy to work on it -- to read my Bible every day, to practice Godliness at home -- then I'll end up a weaker Christian.  I need to be willing to complete the challenges in life if I want to reap the benefits.

Please pray that I'll be able to have the strength to overcome my lame, stupid excuses and just do hard things.

This evening, I'm going to meet my youth group leader for Starbucks before youth group, and I'm excited to spend some one-on-one time with her.  I know her pretty well, but most of the time I spend with her includes conversations with all the talkative girls in my small group.  I can't wait to get to know her more.  She's one of the sweetest, coolest leaders ever. =)

Thanks for reading.  Enjoy your Tuesday!

An Aggregation of More Thoughts, Updates, and Promises

Wow, I have a lot of stuff on my mind right now.

I don't know if you could tell from my previous post and/or the titles of that post and this post, but I'm feeling rather wistful right now. =)

And, at 10:45 last night, I wrote a poem/song.  Yeah... I'm kind of impulsive like that.  I'll just feel like writing a song and then sit down to write it, kind of out of the blue.  And then I'll sit down, work out a melody, and then pick out guitar chords that work with it.  I don't really have a way of doing it... I'm kind of learning as I go.  So far I've written six songs, and they're getting progressively better.  (At least, I think so... but who would listen to a crazy person who writes songs late at night and recently ate lots of ice cream?  I'm starting to doubt my logical side, haha.)

Anyway... this is just the rough draft... and I don't know where it's going from here, but hey, just thought I'd share it with you.  It's meant to be more of a slow, melancholy song, with a glimpse of brightness at the end.  Feel free to love it or hate it. =)

Relentless Anger

Black and white and gray
Where are the colors we saw yesterday?
Plain and harsh and dull
Where is the life that once was sweetly full?

The papery flowers wither and die in our eyes
Why aren’t they blooming or kissing the skies?
Evil and hatred and wordless sorrow
Is filling us with the dread of tomorrow

Where is the hope of the world
That we saw in the image of a flag unfurled
Or a hug from a stranger to a broken stranger?
All we can see is relentless anger

The sun has erased from our memories
All oxygen drawn from our lungs
We have in our hearts a thirst to be free
But the thought cannot reach our tongues

Where is the hope of the world
That we saw in the image of a flag unfurled
Or a hug from a stranger to a broken stranger?
All we can see is relentless anger

Light from the stars pierces through the night
A breeze reveals the moonlight
We remember the sweetness of summer’s embraces
The caress of a warmness lifting our faces

A gentle voice whispers through the pollution
Bringing peace and silence and restitution
It reaches our souls and fills us with love
With mercy and beauty come from above

There is the hope of the world
That we saw in the image of a flag unfurled
Or a hug from a stranger to a broken stranger
We will forget our relentless anger
We will forget our relentless anger


© Relentless Anger copyright Kailyn, 2010. All rights reserved.

Well, there you have it.  I was working on that late last night... I haven't quite finalized the melody or guitar chords yet.  I'm thinking of possibly singing it on YouTube and then posting the video on here, but I have no idea.  Tell me what you think. =)

Okay, second thing: I'd like to say hi to all the new followers!!  You guys are awesome!  Thanks as well to all who have posted.  It really encourages me!

All right, I feel ashamed... I haven't told you anything about what winter retreat was like!  But pretty much one word sums it up...

AWESOME.

You know, that's probably the most clichéd word in the entire universe, but... so be it.  Muahaha.  (Be warned, I do occasionally spout out random laughter that comes from seemingly nowhere, echoing off the stony walls of your skull and penetrating your soul with thoughts of ice cream... but now is a little late to warn you, isn't it?  *slaps hand over mouth to contain more random laughter*)

Anyway, on a more serious note...  I really, really enjoyed this previous weekend.  (I returned on Sunday.)  I've been to that camp once before, and it was incredible!!  Going back brought back tons of memories.  The fellowship was great, the worship songs were great, the games were great... I wish I could go to camp more often!

We went to the beach on Saturday... it was gorgeous!  The sun was out, the water was clear (albeit numbingly cold), and the waves were perfect.  I went boogie boarding and wiped out.  The wave carried my board all the way to shore, and I was in chest-deep water, flailing and kicking, all by my lonesome self.  I may be fast in a competition pool, but in the ocean?  Not so much.  I didn't really care, because it was a blast!  We ordered tons of pizzas for lunch, which were so delicious, and then I played seaweed jump-rope and beach soccer.  Stubbed my toe on a rock, but again, who cares?  *sighs happily*

That evening, we were back at camp playing basketball, and the ball bounced over a chain-link fence to the pool area, which was locked, and I, *cough* being the daredevil girl that I am, wanted to get it.  So, I jumped onto a low stone wall, planted my hand on the top of the fence, hurtled over the wire, and soared across, landing smoothly on the other side. *innocent grin*

Well... I kind of left out the part where my right hand caught on the wire, bent backward, and dragged along it while I was leaping over it.  I didn't want to let everyone know that I'd hurt myself, so I just snatched the b-ball out of the pool, jumped over again, and showed my leader what my hand looked like (discreetly, of course).  There was a cut on my index finger, several on my middle finger, a smaller one on my ring finger, and a ragged slice on my knuckle, not to mention internal bruising.  It was rather disgusting, and it hurt to hold a fork and press it into my green beans later, but... ah, well.  It's getting better now.  There are lots of scabs, and the skin around them is light pink, but it's definitely healing! =)

On Saturday night, the speaker was inviting people to stay behind and talk with their leaders about Christianity.  (I wish you could have heard him speak!  The messages were wonderful!)  My entire small group stayed behind, and we sat in a circle, talking about how incredible God's love is, with the gentle, lilting strains of guitar music in the background, being played by the worship leader on stage.  We joined hands and just prayed, and I broke down.  We were all sniffling, and tears were trickling down the face of another girl.  I crawled over to her, and we just hugged for a long time.  I don't know what the world would be like without hugs.  It was a beautifully indescribable moment.  Have you ever experienced something like that -- you feel a connection with someone, and you don't even have to say anything to understand what they're feeling, because you're feeling it yourself?  It amazed me how God brought us all together that night.

All things considered, I'm going to remember it for a really long time!!


Okay, recently I found Hannah's blog, Aspire.  It's gorgeous, and I've been inspired to crack open those dusty HTML/CSS books (or rather, the online videos) and tweak my blog a bit!  I love graphic design, and got into it a while ago, but then other things took over.  So don't be surprised if this blog has a major re-make!

I was also inspired (haha, so much inspiration) by her to create a new blog -- *gasp* -- about my journey of taking 2,010 pictures in 2010!  I hope I'll be able to reach that goal... it would be amazing!  The blog is called Still Memories of 2010, but the name is subject to change.  Nothing has been posted on it as of yet, and I don't like the template.  Again, still brushing up those designing skills! *winkwink*

Um... this might be the longest post so far on this blog....  And if I feel like I want to, I might post another one!!  *palmforehead*  I'm so ridiculous.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this post!!  I'm sure it took me way longer to write it than it did for you to read it!  =P

In Christ,
Kailyn

The Moments We Forget

Existence is something that pulls you through the world around you, like a gust of wind on a blustery day.  It catches your scarf, your coat, your hair, pulling you gently, yet firmly.  If you resist, it will tug only harder.  If you try to rush, you might end up tripping, landing face-down on a muddy curb.

But once you find that rhythm, that steady pace that keeps you always moving, always forward, always thinking about tomorrow, you forget the simple beauty that exists everywhere.  It floats past you, blurring together like the colors of an abstract painting.  How can you stop on your own to observe the preciousness of life?  Where can you find the strength to conquer that wind of existence that makes you forget who you were meant to be?

It takes so long to get through each day, but when you take a look over your shoulder, you realize how fast it took for each week to drift behind you.  Soon, your life will be over, and you will have realized that you were consumed with meaningless routines without taking time to think.

When you are caught up in the Word of God, when you are hanging, clutching, grasping on to every word, drinking it in like water in a parched desert, you realize how often you forget these moments of peace and security.  When you are sobbing with sheer joy and wonder at how much He loves you, it's impossible to imagine that you could ever forget this moment.  Yet you do.  But the gentle, tender pieces of sweet, pure, agonizing love return, and the cycle continues.  How weak is the flesh to be led astray by small bends in the road!

Romans 8:35-39: Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: 

   "For your sake we face death all day long;
      we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Read that again.  Truly read it.  Savor the words aloud on your lips, taste their sincerity, and know that nothing in all creation will be able to separate you from the love of God!  It's impossible, and it hurts to even imagine the depth and the width of His love!!

I have sinned so much.  I mess up every day!  I have done nothing to deserve God's love!  Yet He aches for my heart every day; He yearns for my undying praise and gratitude; He longs for my soul to long for Him!

Why?

I just can't even fathom it!  My finite mind is burdened with the weight of this beauty!  I can't  procure enough words and phrases from my brain even to begin to describe His glory!

Tears taste sweet and caress your skin when you are crying with joy and love.

I will never begin to understand God's love.  But I know that He loves us all the same; He treasures each creation the same; He wants to hold our hand and guide us out of this bleakness with the tenderness of a father and the embrace of a lover.

I love You, Lord.

Adios, Amigos

Today, my dad surprised me.

He said I can go to winter camp!  Woo hoo!

I have to pay $50 of the total cost, but I'm sure it'll be worth it.  I'm so excited, and I can't wait!  Please pray that I'll be able to be an example and a really good friend to everyone there.  Also, please pray that I'll grow in my faith a ton, and be able to show other people how Jesus would act.

I can't get over the excitement!  Ha ha!

This evening, I have a gymnastics lesson, and that should be really fun!

God is blessing me so much!  Thank you, Lord, and help me to show You how grateful I am in everything that I do.

See you next week!

Winter Camp and Bits of Art

Two posts in one day?  Haha.  Yes.

I've not had much to do today... it's been pretty laid-back, so I wanted to share some sketches that I drew recently.  I have a cousin who is extremely good at art, and he creates amazing pictures.  I'm not half as good as he is, but I do love to sketch, especially.  There's something about drawing people that is extremely fascinating.  I like to draw other things, but drawing faces is a hobby of mine.

Here's one I did a long time ago... I really like it; there's something sort of mystical about it.

I used acrylic paints for this one.  I have a really cool technique I like to do when painting trees that makes them look real.  I mix the paint with a good deal of water, put a dot onto the paper, and then blow at it through a straw.  It causes the paint to branch out and finger in different directions, which looks really cool.

To paint the trees farther in the distance, I used different colors and a higher concentration of water, so they looked kind of hazy.

I like the color of the water... I can just imagine that it's freezing cold.

This one I drew while looking at another picture.

I really like how it turned out.  Yes, the neck does look rather long, but it's meant to look that way.  Her neck in the picture was long as well.   I used my tortillon (which I love) to do the shading.

This is one of my favorites. =)

I have tons of other pictures, too, and I might post some of them later.

This weekend, my youth group is going to winter camp, but it's pretty much full, and they recently raised the price.  It used to be $40, but the church ran out of funds to pay the rest of the money for each camper, so now it's a lot more expensive.  I don't know if I'll be able to go.  It's something that I've really been wanting to do, and I've been praying about it a lot.  If you have time, please pray that there would be a way for me to go.

Anyway, I'll probably post more tomorrow.  Thanks for reading!

PS:  Also a shout-out to Claire, my best friend, who always supports me and is one of the most loyal people I've ever met.  Thanks for always encouraging me, Claire. Another shout-out to my other best friend, Kaley, who is sweet and always listens to me when we talk with each other! =)

Cell Phones, Facebook, and Other Life-Sustaining Things

Has it ever occurred to you that peer pressure is one of the most powerful temptations you will ever face?

Just go ahead and take a trip to a nearby mall.  I can guarantee you will see hundreds of people, most of them twenty or younger, gazing mesmerized at a tiny, paper-thin piece of electronics.  Walking blindly, just staring at that lit-up screen.

The cell phone is extremely useful, and can be invaluable at times.  It's a new invention that has become extremely popular to the public, and is available to just about anyone.  Marketers have picked up on this craze and have used it to their advantage, bringing in millions of dollars per year.  People everywhere either have one or want one.

But think about it... our parents didn't have cell phones during their teen years.  My mom and dad didn't even have one in college.  Why?  Because these devices weren't available to the general public.  Back in the day, there weren't smart little gadgets with touch-screen functionality or 3G networks.  The cell phone was a bulky thing that you couldn't take wherever you wanted.  But now, at least half of our nation surely owns one.

Kids at high schools across the nation are constantly talking or texting on their phones.  It has become something necessary if you go to public school -- you always need to be able to contact your parents.  But have you ever wondered if sometimes, this extreme privilege is taken a little too far?

Some of my friends always use their phones, even when we're supposed to be having a lesson.  My leader has to take everyone's phones and put them in a pile behind her so no one will be tempted to text during Bible discussion.  Doesn't that seem a little crazy?

Would you think I was weird if I said I don't own a cell phone?  Most teenagers would.

Every single girl in my small group has a cell.  The other week, my leader asked for my friends' phones, and I just made a silly little comment about how I felt special.  A girl looked at me and said, "Why, because you don't have your phone with you?"

"No," I replied, "because I don't have one."

Her eyes widened, and she said, "How do you live?"

That shocks me.  In our culture, teenagers expect that every one of their peers should have a cell phone.  I don't think that owning one is bad in the least, but it kind of blows me away when I realize how spoiled our country is.  Not spoiled as in rude -- spoiled because we have so much.  And we don't realize half of it!

Facebook is another thing that it seems like people get so attached to.  It's a great, fun way to connect with your friends, but what if someone spends every waking minute on the website?

It seems like we're always needing to own something that everyone else has, or wanting to live in an electronic world.  What would you call it?  Addiction?  That sounds partly right.

Maybe I'm being too hard here, but it's something I've realized.  Because I don't have these things, I've been able to step back and look at it from a clear perspective, and it seems to me that teenagers should be spending time on something better, richer, purer than any of this.

God.

If every teenager in the world spent half as much time in the Word as they did on their cell phones, we'd live in a much cleaner, kinder world.  I realize how, in today's teen culture, we are advised to buy the next better thing; to be the cooler, more popular kid; to live life to the fullest without any regrets.

There is something so much more beautiful and awe-inspiring than anything the world offers to us!  When I read the Bible, it's like listening to words from the lips of God straight to my soul.  There is nothing like it, and there never will be anything like it.  It's love, hope, and faith mixed into one, and it's impossible to describe the feeling I get when I read it.

Incredible.  It's just incredible.

Once you read it, it makes you realize how shallow our world is, and how shallow culture promotes the average teenager to be.  Isn't this time of youth meant for growing in our faith, seeking God wholeheartedly, and blooming into the adults He wants us to be?

When you taste what He has to offer, you won't be happy with the things in which you used to find entertainment.  It's not enough.  Nothing quenches the thirst or satisfies the hunger like the Bread and Water of Life.  No other thing can prepare you for hardships, or set your paths straight.

And the best thing is that it's all so very real and vibrant.  It's like you can see a piece of God's heart and feel what He feels.  It makes you want to understand more, to reach out for His hand and never let go.

I wanted to share this because it's been something heavy on my heart, and I want to inspire people to spend more time in fellowship with the Creator.  I know I don't spend half as much time as I need to.  Mere life is a distraction.  But if we center all our desires around Him, He will direct our footsteps and allow our lives to be fruitful, masterpieces of His love.

Let us all pray for each other, brothers and sisters in Christ, that we may grow stronger every day with His mercy.

Busy Life, Exciting Times

Good evening!

This week has been so crazy... I am amazed at how our bodies function with the meager rest that we do get!  I wake up at 5:00 every morning (well, maybe I press the snooze a few times) to start school, and then do chores, practice piano, complete/work on my writing assignment, and if I have time, pick up my (new) guitar and practice!

Guitar is such a beautiful instrument, and I've been learning how to play (started several months ago).  I've talked with my youth leader at church about possibly helping lead worship on Tuesdays, and he thought it was a great idea!  I'm so excited... hopefully I can improve my skills enough by summer that I can get up on stage with the other guitarists!

I went to Costco also yesterday for an eye appointment so that I could get contacts!  I have glasses, but I've been wanting contacts for a while now.  I'm near-sighted, so I can see perfectly fine up close, but when it comes to seeing far away, things get a little fuzzy.  I'm really excited, even though it's really hard for me to put them in because I'm not used to them!

I'm going to take a free trial gymnastics lesson on Thursday, and I'm so excited!  I took ballet when I was much younger (and enjoyed it), but stopped soon after.  I've always been interested in sports, but haven't been able to participate in them as much because I'm home-schooled.  I was on a swim team until around November, when I stopped for the winter (swimming in an outdoor pool during the freezing rain is not exciting), so I haven't been athletically involved in something for the past few months.  I'm so excited!  Hopefully I can learn how to do that back handspring!

Tonight is small group night at my church, and I'm so excited!  I always really enjoy going there; the lessons are amazing, as well as the games!

I hope your day is going well.  I realize when I'm so busy like this, it's hard for me to really focus on God.  It's like He's there, but I don't pay much attention to Him as I coast through my week.  Please pray that I will find time to search the Scriptures and devote prayer to Him during this busy schedule.